Life #3: The Life We Build on Purpose
Life sometimes seems like it’s one long, continuous thread — a straight shot from childhood to retirement with a few twists in between and it kind of is just that. But, if I had to divide my adult life up, zoom out and look at the last few decades, my life could be said to break into chapters; I jokingly call them Life #1, Life #2, and now the one I’m preparing for — Life #3.
Life #3 hasn’t even started yet. But planning for it is already changing me.
Life #1: The Soldier
Life #1 began on 7 July 1987. I was eighteen and had just enlisted in the Army. I served mostly in Northern Virginia and Washington D.C. working with the 1101st Signal Battalion, in the Pentagon, and as a Signal Corps Radio Operator at Davison Army Airfield for the Air Assault school (that I later attended as a student/graduate).
Two years later, I left active duty, used my G.I. Bill (and a competitive military scholarship), got my degree, and came right back as an officer. That’s when Life #1 really took shape.
I served in Italy with the 325th Airborne Infantry Battalion (part of the 82nd Airborne Division) as a Medical Platoon Leader. In Germany I was an Information Management Officer. In Vancouver, Washington I was a Transportation Platoon Leader, an Infantry Training Company Commander, an S3 staff officer, and an Aide-de-Camp to a two-star general.
I lived in Italy, Germany, and all over the U.S. I earned a master’s degree. I jumped out of airplanes and into responsibilities I never imagined I’d have at 18.
If I had to sum up Life #1 in one phrase, it would be:
“Pride with a passport.”
The military gave me structure, education, adventure, and a sense of purpose. It also gave me the understanding that life has seasons — and that sometimes the best thing you can do is recognize when one has ended.
Life #2: The Father
Life #2 didn’t slam into place. It unfolded the moment my kids needed me in a different way.
When their mother moved out, I knew instantly that the Army — the deployments, the field exercises, the relocations — wasn’t compatible with being the father I needed to be. So I got out. I hung up the uniform and became much more present in my kids’ lives.
I’d hesitate to say I was ever the “fun dad.” Okay, I’ll just say it, I wasn’t. The military probably had instilled a sense of rules and “this is the way things get done” mindset that followed me into my parenting. Plus, my own father was very much that way so some of it was learned behavior from him.
I wasn’t the one launching water balloons or doing magic tricks.
But I was the one who:
Remodeled their bedrooms to make them cooler and better
painted blue skies and clouds on the ceilings with glow-in-the-dark stars (because of course I did)
coached their soccer teams
took them camping
checked homework and built dioramas when my son announced it was due the following morning.
showed up
I tried my best. I still try my best.
And then, years later, when I met the woman who would become my wife, we blended our families and my world expanded again. Suddenly I wasn’t just the father of three biological kids — I was a stepfather too.
Life #2 was chaotic, loud, full of emotional plot twists, and completely irreplaceable. It made me practice loyalty, resilience, patience, and the art of reimagining life after disruption.
If I had to summarize Life #2 in a phrase, it would be:
“Love that stayed.”
Life #3: Becoming a European Citizen (And the Life We’re Choosing on Purpose)
Even before we got married, my wife and I talked about living in Europe one day. She grew up in Morocco. I had lived in Italy and Germany during my military years. Travel wasn’t a fantasy — it was the way our stories naturally intersected but, it would take years to make the next big change.
Our kids grew up (this December we’ll be empty-nesters). Jobs shift (I retired in September). Responsibilities loosen.
And one day — twelve years after those first “what if” conversations — we finally realized:
We can do this.
So here we are, still in the United States, but actively preparing for Life #3 — a life where we live mostly full-time in Portugal, spend part of the year in Morocco, explore Europe, and build something completely new.
This next chapter represents freedom, adventure, and a chance to build a life intentionally — not reactively. I’m excited for quiet mornings in a Portuguese café, learning the language, discovering new towns by train, and spending more time with my favorite person.
I’m also excited to finally lean into something creative:
perhaps I’ll be building a social media presence, sharing our travels, and documenting our experience as new European residents. It’s a reinvention, but it doesn’t feel like I’m becoming someone else — just expanding who I already am.
Why Life #3 Matters to Me
A lot of people reach their 50s or 60s and say things like:
“I wish we had traveled more.”
“I wish we hadn’t waited.”
“I wish we’d taken the chance while we still had the energy.”
I’ve heard it so many times from people older than me that it stuck.
The truth is, lives change — sometimes suddenly. Divorce, loss, upheaval, new beginnings — they happen. You don’t always see them coming. You don’t always get to chose the changes. But you don’t have to wait for life to change you. Sometimes you get to change it on purpose.
Life #3 is our choice and no, we’re not crazy.
Our choice.
It’s the chapter we are writing deliberately — with excitement, with courage, and with the understanding that comfort is great, but it rarely leads to adventure.
I’m the same person I was in Life #1 and Life #2. But I’ve evolved.
And Life #3 isn’t about running away from anything — it’s about running toward something.
If You Take Anything From This…
Let it be this:
Your life doesn’t have to stay the same.
You get more than one “life.”
Sometimes life hands you the transition.
Sometimes you choose it.
Both are valid.
Both can be beautiful.
Life #3 hasn’t begun yet, but we’re preparing for it — and the preparation itself has been transformative. The future feels wide open. And that might be the best part.
The next chapter starts soon.
We hope to see you in Europe.
